Bra Shopping: From A to D
by em38
Summary: Lily and Alice’s bras are too small so they set out on a quest through Diagon alley to find a lingerie shop. What strangers and dangers do they discover along the way? Please R&R...flames welcome. Rated T just in case


Summary: Lily and Alice's bras are too small so they set out on a quest through Diagon alley to find a lingerie shop. What strangers and dangers do they discover along the way? Please R&R

A/N: Just a random idea I came up with when I was high on caffeine…read it please? And then maybe, just maybe, if you're feeling nice, could you review it please?

Disclaimer: MUAHAHAHAHA!!! _Harry Potter _is MINE! Forever and always!! …not  Kudos to J.K. Rowling for the awesomeness of HP but the plot of this oneshot is MINE!

Bra Shopping: From A to D

Lily looked fondly back at James—still asleep in bed. She smiled; she could never bear to wake him up in the mornings—making mornings her alone time. She slipped quickly out of bed and walked softly to the dresser. Rifling through her clothes and James', Lily pulled out a plain white bra. She slipped it on over her head and pulled it down—stuck.

Sighing, she unclasped it and tried to re-clasp it in place—she stretched it tightly but it cut into her back and wouldn't reach. Lily threw the bra into the trash where it landed on top of two other bras she had thrown away the day before. She pulled out another bra—a black laced one that James had bought on their honeymoon—and clasped it in place. Turning to face the mirror, she bit her lip. The bra was stretched tightly over her breasts and was so tight that her boobs nearly spilled out. Lily frowned. It was her biggest bra.

Slipping on a plain shirt—quickly—she kissed James softly, grabbed some floo powder and stepped into the fireplace. "Longbottom Place." Alice and Frank were already up—having breakfast. Frank looked up; "Come to steal my wife away from me again?" Lily smiled. "Sorry…girl time. It's a feminine necessity." Frank smirked; "you should have asked Sirius—the things he knows, honestly! You'd think he'd been raised by women!" Alice kissed Frank on the cheek as Lily laughed and led the way to the fireplace. Turning back, Alice said "Sorry love, duty calls. Expect me back before dinner. Make your own lunch."

Lily stepped into the fireplace. "Diagon Alley" and Alice followed soon after. Lily stood waiting by the fireplace as Alice appeared. Alice sighed, putting her hands on her hips; "What is it now?" Lily pulled Alice by the arm. "We're going bra shopping." Alice clapped her hands happily. "Great! I need a TON of new bras! All of mine are too small!" Lily sighed in relief; "Me too. I thought it was weird to have them growing again—you know, at 23." Alice smiled; "I'm sure it's fine. If it's happening to me too, it's not _that_ unusual. I mean, how weird is it to have your boobs growing every now and then…it's kinda nice, right?" The two laughed nervously when Lily, curious, wondered; "where can you buy a bra in Diagon Alley?"

Alice thought for a while; "I think my mum mentioned a place once…behind Ollivanders I think. We can try there first." Lily frowned. "If you're so sure…" Alice frowned back at her. "Well, we can start there." Ten minutes later, turning down a side alley, Alice led the way gingerly and walked towards the rundown shack that lay behind Ollivanders. Lily looked skeptically at Alice who shot a look at her; "We can at least go inside and see if my mum was right," she said—annoyed. Lily pushed the door open and stepped onto the faded doormat and jumped when it squeaked.

All of sudden—triggered by the doormat—the place transformed. A pink flashing banner that read 'Madame Hua' sparkled before their eyes and the hot pink store flashed with a thousand mirrors and dripped with a rainbow of lingerie. Lily and Alice's jaws dropped. "I love this place," they said in unison.

As they drank in the scene, a squat Asian lady waddled out from behind a rack of bras. "Aaah yes, customers!" she warbled. "Good for business! Yes! Welcome, welcome! You want tea?" Lily and Alice glanced at each other uncertainly. The lady frowned. "Time wasted! What you want? I have all things! All sizes!" Lily glanced at Alice again before saying "Um…I'm looking for a bigger bra." "Yes, yes" Madame Hua chirped. "You too?" she said, putting her spectacles on and examining Alice's chest zone carefully. Alice pulled her jacket around herself more tightly before saying "Yeah….me too."

Pulling out a pair of chopsticks, the lady quickly fixed her hair in a tight bun. Then, she whipped out a tape measure and tapped it twice with her wand. The two gasped as the tape measure began simultaneously measuring the two of them. Madame Hua glanced at the measurements and clapped her hand happily saying "Both of you 38Ds. Very easy. Lots choices. Look wall to left. All your sizes. Choose then and come. I give two free bra each! Complimentary. Buy first time!" Alice and Lily smirked. "Race you to the wall!" They dashed off.

The wall, some twenty feet tall and one hundred feet wide, was covered with bras of all sorts. All the usual—strapless, pushup, padded, wireless, v-cut, etc—and more. Alice picked a furry brown bra saying "Frank likes animals." Lily picked up a bra made entirely of dragon skin. They both grabbed a bra that would grow or shrink according to the size of your boobs. When they had each filled their basket, Madame Hua appeared above them, sitting on a floating silk cushion while smoking an opium pipe. "Changing room that way!" she said, pointing to a row of pink doors.

Lily and Alice glanced at each other before walking towards the room. "Whosever husband is happier tomorrow morning wins" declared Alice. Lily smirked; "You're on." Lily slipped into a room to the right as Alice slipped into the room to the left. Lily slipped off her clothes and looked gingerly at the pile of lingerie. "Where to start…" she murmured to herself. "OWWWW! You stupid bra!" she suddenly heard Alice shout. "What's wrong?" asked Lily nervously. "The furry brown bra bit my boobs!" shrieked Alice. Lily smiled; "We best be careful then…"

Ignoring the mutterings coming from Alice's room, Lily turned back to the pile. She slipped on a lacy black bra and matching panties not unlike the ones James had bought her—a perfect fit. Throwing them into the 'to buy' basket, she dug through the pile. She tried on a strapless white bra—not much cleavage. "Hmmm…James wouldn't like that. That's a 'no buy'…" Next…the dragon skin pushup bra. As Lily clasped the bra, she felt something crawly and shrieked…a baby dragon crawled out of her bra. Too stunned to say anything, Lily looked at the dragon. Finally, she managed to gasp out "I don't think James particularly likes threesomes…" Lily worked her way through the lingerie, discarding the ones that would conceal too much cleavage from James and avoiding the ones made of suspicious-looking fabrics. Occasionally Lily could hear a scream coming from Alice's dressing room.

As she was changing back into her clothes, she suddenly heard Alice shriek; "EWWWW! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!" Lily paused, hearing a door slam. Suddenly, Alice burst into Lily's room and slammed the door. "LOOK at this bra! LOOK!" she screamed. Lily, still trying to figure out why Alice would come into the room semi-naked, looked at the bra and gagged in revulsion. The pearly seashell bra was emitting a mucous that ran all over Alice's body. Lily, not wanting to touch Alice, gestured for her to leave. "Use _aguamenti_ to clean yourself…then vanish all the water." Alice rushed back to the room, strewing mucous everywhere as Lily smirked. "Frank would soooo love that bra!"

Lily and Alice headed to the cashier as soon as they had collected their purchases and Alice had cleaned up. Madame Hua floated down from a corner and began ringing their purchases up as Lily and Alice swapped stories. "And then a dragon crawled out of my bra and stared at me, lustfully!" "That time I screamed? My boobs started putting out fireworks as soon as I clasped the bra!" "I got an inflatable bra! If you wear it under a long sleeve shirt it looks really natural! I'm giving James the remote control to my inflatable bra for his Christmas present." "I got this bra that burns the hand of any guy that tries to touch it during my time of the month…" Lily smirked; "I'm sure Frank'll love that!"

Suddenly Madame Hua waved a couple of bras in front of their faces. "They complimentary." Lily looked at the label on her bra and read aloud; "For pregnant women. Produces milk when your body runs out." Alice in turn read "For pregnant women. Prevents leakage of milk." Alice and Lily looked at each other and then at Madame Hua. "We're not pregnant."

Madame Hua squealed and clapped her hands; "OOOOOH, so first time, no? You don't know? When breasts get bigger little one come for sure. You too old for breasts to grow otherwise." Lily glanced at Alice, eyes wide. "Pregnant?" Alice started back at her. "You didn't use a condom either?" Lily gulped. "I need to talk to James."

-xxx-


End file.
